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Peeve Farm
Breeding peeves for show, not just to keep as pets
  Blog \Blôg\, n. [Jrg, fr. Jrg. "Web-log".
     See {Blogger, BlogSpot, LiveJournal}.]
     A stream-of-consciousness Web journal, containing
     links, commentary, and pointless drivel.


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Wednesday, September 3, 2003
16:31 - He just likes to see us squirm

(top) link
Okay, call me stupid.

...Okay, now that you're done doing that...

Please explain to me the following: Why in God's green Hell does Microsoft need to put pop-up ads in its Windows Update mechanism?!

Seriously! I go to try to update my desktop PC, to get it all ship-shape in light of SoBig and Blaster and friends (even though it's behind a NAT and therefore ostensibly "safe"), and I get this:



Not only is it a popup ad (which-- and I think this is hilarious-- every browser in the world, except for MSIE, has built-in features to block; even AOLNetscape in its final throes put in a pop-up blocker... and yet Microsoft, instead of adding that now-elementary feature, provides helpful tips on how to prevent pop-up ads, such as "contact the administrators for the Web site and ask them to remove the pop-up ads from the site, or prevent them from opening on your machine"); but it's a pop-up ad advertising a crappy third-party fix for the very virus/worm I'm trying to patch for, using a title bar banner of COMPUTER SECURITY ALERT - YOUR PC IS INFECTED!

Does Microsoft not even vet these pop-up ads for hideous glaring inappropriateness? Or to imagine what goes through the head of the average Windows user upon seeing a screen like this? Do they even consider--

Wait. What am I saying?

So anyway-- I close that window (which, incidentally, had been a pop-under), and immediately up pops this:



Goodie! Microsoft tacitly endorses not only Registry-smearing virus-fixing Trojans, but illegal MP3-and-pr0n-piracy sites too! Hey! While you're downloading your security patches, why not peruse some more of these fine Microsoft strategic partners! XXXHOTBABESXXX.com! BURN DVDS TO CD! HERBAL VIAGRA STR8 2 UR D00R!

And lest you think I'm being alarmist-- a new window just popped up, totally of its own accord, some ten minutes after I'd closed the earlier ads, for a sleazy matchmaking website. Just because the Windows Update window was still open. So not only does Windows Update have onLoads, pop-ups, pop-unders, and onCloses, it has timed-release ads. Just like any of the most awful porn sites you've ever been inundated with.

Does Microsoft's operating budget really not permit them to provide the critical Windows Update infrastructure without bombarding the user with cheesy, invasive, and often quite offensive ads? They're not doing that badly down on Wall Street, are they? Surely they can spring for a company subsidy on this most crucial of all centralized services...?

Yes, I know. Now I'm just being silly.

Now, I ask you, and I do so very slowly and distinctly:

Is it any bleeding wonder in the absolute slightest that nobody ever uses Windows Update to patch their bleeding systems?

If Microsoft wants to encourage its users to be more proactive in patching the holes it keeps drilling through its software, I have an excellent suggestion as to how they might start.

Oh, and...

Pardon my ignorance, but-- Set Program Access and Defaults? What the hell kind of intuitive menu option name is that? What, was Define Runtimes Parameter and Set Access Group of Leval taken already? How can any company that even pretends to have its hand in good user-interface design practices come up with a name like this for the function of specifying which applications are used for common Internet-related tasks?

And of course, what's the window called that it brings up? Add/Remove Programs. When what you're doing is clicking little radio buttons.

Jeezum crow, Bill. Were you mistreated by a human being in a previous life, and that's why you're taking it out on us now?


UPDATE: Funky.

On several people's advice, I ran Ad-Aware 6.0 on the machine, and it found a number of cookies from doubleclick.net and such sites. I let it clean them out for me, and the pop-up ads went away.

Now, before yez let loose with the congenial smiles and half-lidded eyes and conspiratorial side-glances, I think I can say that I had good reason to believe that Windows Update incorporated the ads on its own. First of all, whenever I've used this machine to browse to any other site on the Internet, I've never gotten pop-up windows. CNN, everybody on my blogroll, somethingawful, all the crucial stuff-- nary an ad to be seen. All was sweetness and light. But the minute I reach for the Windows Update button-- whoops! Up pop the ads.

On top of which, this machine is my personal test rig; it's behind a NAT, and I certainly don't use it for everyday surfing-- and I absolutely don't go recklessly installing Bonzi Buddies and pornographic weather applets and other prime candidates for populating the agarose dish that is my hard drive. I've been using and maintaining Windows machines in lab and support environments for some eight years now, and I like to think I have some understanding of responsible surfing habits. I've seen lots of weeeeeird crap in my time. But this was a new one on me.


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© Brian Tiemann