Tuesday, April 9, 2002 |
18:15 - Well Done, Mr. Fortune Man
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I have a "fortune" database of all the Simpsons quotes for the first eight or nine seasons or so, compiled from the quote sections of the Episode Capsules at snpp.com. There are a lot of quotes-- like 5MB worth.
Each quote has a little credit line at the bottom, put there by whoever did the transcribing. If the quote is just a single line from one character, the credit line simply says (for instance), "Homer, 'Homer's Odyssey'", or if it's a dialogue, "-- 'Lisa's Date With Density'". But more often than not, and especially in the later episodes, the credit line includes an additional little witticism by the editor, for instance:
Homer: Donut? Lisa: No, thanks. Do you have any fruit? Homer: [offers some of the donut he's eating] This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit. -- Mmm, purple, "Bart on the Road"
Often these little dabs of editorial wit are as amusing as the quote itself; just as frequently, though, they're just dumb. Regardless, they've attained their own life as an integral part of the process of quoting The Simpsons out of context.
Well, today I ran across what must be best quote credit line I've ever seen... the Perfect Tagline:
Bart: [sighs] I wasted five bucks on these. Lisa: Where'd you get five bucks? I want five bucks. Bart: Aw, I sold my soul to Milhouse? Lisa: [incredulous] What? How could you _do_ that? Your soul is the most valuable part of you. Bart: You believe in that junk? Lisa: Well, whether or not the soul is physically real, Bart, it's the symbol of everything fine inside us. Bart: [tsking sadly] Poor, gullible Lisa. I'll keep my crappy sponges, thanks. Lisa: Bart, your soul is the only part of you that lasts forever. For five dollars, Milhouse could own you for a zillion years! Bart: Well, if you think he got such a good deal, I'll sell you my conscience for $4.50. [Lisa starts to walk off] I'll throw in my sense of decency too. It's a Bart sales event! Everything about me must go! -- Great selection and rock-bottom prices, but where is the soul?, "Bart Sells His Soul"
Bee-autiful. A masterful turn of the pen. As it were.
Best... tagline... ever.
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