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Peeve Farm
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Brian Tiemann
 Silicon Valley-based purveyor of a confusing mixture of Apple punditry and political bile.

 btman at grotto11 dot com

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Monday, February 16, 2004
18:57 - "As President, I will work to make the world round"
http://www.mudvillegazette.com/archives/000687.html

 (top) link
So apparently John Kerry couldn't stand it that Bush pulled off yet another of these extraordinarily successful human-interest stunts (MC'ing the weekend's NASCAR race) that are more populist than he has any inkling of how to be. And so the following words dribbled out of the corner of his mouth:

Kerry, who has a commanding lead in the race to oppose Bush this fall, chided the president for taking time out Sunday to attend the Daytona 500, saying the country was bleeding jobs while he posed for a "photo opportunity." Bush had donned a racing jacket to officially open NASCAR's most prestigious event in front of some 180,000 fans.

"We don't need a president who just says, `Gentlemen start your engines,'" Kerry said. "We need a president who says, `America, let's start our economy and put people back to work.'"

What in the crap is wrong with this man? Hey moron, HE DID. Remember the freakin' tax cuts? Have you looked at the economy lately? What part of "fifth straight month of job growth" and "unemployment at a two-year low" do you find unacceptable, Mr. Kerry? How would you propose to improve on this? How would you "start the economy"?

I just don't understand this. I'm at a loss. Am I really that poor at comprehending politics after all? What the hell have I missed? What economic problems is Kerry so steamed about? Someone explain to me where he's getting his news from.

Or is it simply that Kerry isn't actually paying attention to the news at all?

Considering that he seems to write his one-liners a month in advance, and regurgitate old, tired jokes that don't even make sense in the current context (he's concerned that Bush will raise taxes? Is that how I'm supposed to be reading this?), one gets the impression that Kerry quite simply doesn't have a clue what the fuck he's talking about.

Let's start imagining what'll happen when President Kerry tackles all the big important Presidential issues with the same deep thoughtfulness and consistency as he's shown so far in his campaign issues.

The war on terrorism? He'll immediately release all the prisoners from Guantanamo, then push a law through Congress allowing the FBI to shoot anyone on sight who shares any traits with terrorists, such as possessing brown hair, at least one leg, a head, etc.

Tax law? He'll repeal Bush's tax cuts, then "start the economy" by personally printing millions of $20 bills at the Mint and then dumping them out of a blimp onto the nation's poorer cities.

Gay marriage? He'll help pass the FMA, then marry a male intern before the bench in the Supreme Court.

The space effort? He'll demand that we become the first country to send a man to the Moon, and blame Bush for our failure thus far to do so.

Gun control? He'll shoot the NRA.

God. I can't come up with any more of these. It takes hard work to think as disjointedly as Kerry apparently does.

Liberals tend to be concerned that most Americans are too stupid. I'm starting to think that the thing to worry about is collective insanity.

UPDATE: George Will has a bunch of questions for Kerry, which are along the same lines as the famous "letter to Dr. Laura", and just as unanswerable.


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