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Monday, April 1, 2002
12:59 - But at least the food's good...

(top) link
SCENE: INT. TOGO'S, LOCAL CHAIN BIG-SANDWICH SHOP

MANUEL: Can I help you?

ME: yes, I'd like a large hot pastrami on white, please.

MANUEL. <pause> Large?

ME: <nod> Large.

MANUEL: <slicing the bread> Would you like everything on that?

ME: Yeah. And lots of pickles.

MANUEL: <pauses, looks at the sandwich, then at me> ...Pickles?

ME: Yes. Lots of pickles.

MANUEL: <looks confused some more, back down at the sandwich> ...No pickles?

ME: No, lots of pickles.

MANUEL: <nods> Oh!

He lays down the mustard. He lays down the lettuce, the tomatoes, the pepperoncinis, and the onions. Then he picks up the sandwich to take it over to where the meat is.

ME: Uh... no, I said lots of pickles.

MANUEL: <turns around, looks uncertain> ...Pickles?

ME: Yes!


He then puts on a moderate number of pickles, shaking his head to himself, undoubtedly silently cursing my indecision and peremptory attitude.

I keep telling myself that half the population is by definition under 100 in IQ. But even so...

Oh, and I've noticed lately that places like Togo's, Burrito Real, and even chains like Jack in the Box have little cups next to the cash register for tips. You know, at first I figured, hey-- these guys work hard for minimum wage, standing at the counter for hours on end. (Having once worked for a summer in the Ukiah pear sheds, standing for twelve hours a day, 6AM to 6PM, holding down the trailing flap of the pear boxes as they went into the gluing-shut machine, for $4.50 an hour, I know what it's like.) But after careful consideration, look: tips are for service. Cashiers don't get tips, because the service they provide that can't be done by a computer amounts to seeing what I have on my tray and making sure I'm paying for everything on it and not trying to sneak something past.

I tip heavily when I'm eating where there's an attentive waiter, especially so when the waiter is funny and acts like he's enjoying his job. I think such a case deserves all the economic incentive it can get.

But I'm not going to reward gross incompetence just because there's a handy place to put that reward.

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© Brian Tiemann